Lots and lots of them.
In past blogs I’ve mentioned that my whole life I have struggled with letting go of the past and recently I’m feeling wrecked over decisions I really regret making. It’s been hard to move past them. I have good days and then I have days I just feel broken and I can’t snap out of it.
Just being honest.
Yes, I understand we are only human and we all make mistakes. Yes, I understand things happen to us and we cause things to happen we didn’t mean to, but there are times when thinking of the past leaves me with nothing but emptiness in my heart.
So I’m struggling right now but I do have hope. I’m realizing that time doesn’t heal our hearts. God heals our hearts.
This is a tough topic to talk about when I’m personally struggling with it, but I know I’m not the only one who does so I thought it may help to tell you some of the things I have been doing to help myself get over constantly thinking about the things I did wrong and the consequences from those choices.
First you have to tell someone what you did and that you are struggling, whether it’s your mom, best friend, sister, a youth pastor, counselor or another trustworthy person in your life. And please make sure you tell someone if you are so overwhelmed with pain that you want to hurt yourself. We need other people in our lives to encourage us, hold us accountable and see things from a different perspective. Yes, that’s scary and being vulnerable. Trust me, it’s worth the weight that comes off of you when you tell someone you trust.
Next I think is helpful is to journal and write down everything you’re feeling… EVERYTHING whether it’s bad or good write it all down. Then give yourself 15-30 minutes to think about this choice you made, how you were feeling when you made it, were the consequences worth it, let yourself cry, pray and then that’s it, stand your ground that you know the situation can’t be changed no matter how much you think about it cause it’s in the past. I’ve made the mistake at times of tweeting stuff that I thought would make me feel better but it really didn’t and I just felt worse. It’s much better to journal just for you to see because nobody who just casually follows your Twitter will ever totally understand what you are going through.
Finally if this decision or regret caused hurt to others, you need to say sorry (preferably in person) even if they don’t except it, you at least owe them that. Make the decision to try to fix things if you can and if not, learn from it and don’t repeat it. I know I’ve hurt my family in the past but thank God we are moving on and I’m regaining their trust again. I’m sad to say I’ve done some pretty stupid things and have hurt some wonderful people in my life. The worst part is because it took me awhile to realize this, I’ve lost a couple really special ones. Those are the consequences I’m trying to live with and what motivates me from never taking anyone or anything for granted.
Although I have tried everything in the book to go back and time travel, I can’t. I don’t want this to be a heavy post but if there’s one thing I understand now is that God gives us opportunities and people in our lives and when we don’t treat them the way they deserve to be treated we can lose them. No stupid temporary lifestyle or convenience is worth that.
As much as it hurts me to deal with regrets, those decisions have brought me to where I am today so I can only do the best I know how to do going forward. I’ve chosen to try to learn from the past and think less about the regrets by controlling where I let my mind go. The worst thing you can do is allow yourself to be sad and lonely over the past which then makes you more likely to make more bad decisions. That’s just a bad cycle that will go on and on if you don’t realize it. That’s why I do better writing stuff down because I’m less likely to do it again when I see maybe WHY I did what I did.
Just remember that everyday we get a fresh brand new start to make better choices, learn from the past and live the lives we want to live. I’m reminding myself of that all day, every day!