Girl Drama

Girls can be brutal to one another.

We like to hide behind fake smiles. But we all have done it. It’s easy to scroll through Insta and pass judgement on what someone is wearing, what they are doing or who someone is with (or not with anymore). Maybe because it makes us feel a little better about ourselves or maybe we don’t realize we even do it. Or maybe we have our own agenda like trying to make sure that cute guy we like understands what a horrible person THAT girl is.

Why does it seem like we don’t have any courage? Guys and girls should stop being afraid of confrontation. Phasing people out of your life with no explanation or back-stabbing and manipulating them is ten times worse than brutal honesty. I hate not knowing what I did to just make someone not care anymore. When we try not to hurt someone by lying and they find out, we do way more damage then just explaining the problem. How many great friendships or boy/girlfriends have we lost and we aren’t even really sure what happened?

I’ve had relationships ruined with people I do know because (mostly) girls who don’t know anything about me trash talked about me…people who “pick a side” and make up their minds about my motives based on their own assumptions. If you ever wonder why I’ve said and done things that hurt myself or others, then ask ME please. Don’t assume and turn people I care about against me, especially if you don’t even know anything about me. Or better yet, try to understand or get to know me instead of judging. I’ll try to do the same to you. We really need to be supportive instead of acting like everything we do is a competition. We also need to be honest and not twist things around to make the story a little more dramatic. And let’s stop the name calling and slut shaming.

It is also very sad to think of all the friendships lost because of a boy who couldn’t have friends that were girls if he was dating someone. And girls who got jealous and over protective so they attack any girl that even looks at their boyfriend. Some girls make everything a competition and it shouldn’t be like that. We should be working together, not tearing each other apart.

It’s much easier said then done, but what if for one day we decide we aren’t going to say anything judgmental about anyone? What if when we see THAT person pop up on our phone screen that we don’t let ourselves give in to a rude comment? What if we take time to reach out to the people God put in our lives just to let them know we care? What would our mindset be if we just encourage others instead of focusing on our hurts and feeling like a victim all the time? Because we are NOT victims. God will use every horrible thing that’s happened to us and what we have done and make something good come from it. If we really believe that we would live our lives so different and be a lot more forgiving.

So I encourage you to text that girl you have not seen in months or apologize to that friend who you may have hurt with mean words out of frustration. Let’s not judge girls for the things we heard about them and instead get to know them first. I’m telling myself all this stuff too because sometimes my own insecurity has me comparing myself to other girls. And always remember who has your back at the end of the day because I want my friends to know that I won’t let any competition over a guy’s attention or misunderstanding come between us.  Nobody is perfect so let’s try not to expect more from other people than we expect from ourselves and we should try to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. If you don’t feel accepted and valuable by the people you are hanging out with, then you are friends with the wrong people!

Cocky or Confident?

It’s been a little while since my last post. I have a bunch of ideas in my head but then when I try to write I feel like I keep saying the same things! I don’t always want to talk about negative experiences and having to grow from them becasue my life consists of so much more than that, but I do want to talk about the struggles I’ve experienced growing up trying to figure out what the difference is between being confident and cocky. I’m not sure I have figured that out yet but I think I have learned a few things that I want to share.

Although these both are internal feelings that we all experience I noticed that you can usually tell the difference by the way you treat other people. Being cocky isn’t just what we see the “mean girls” do in the Disney channel movies. Cockiness is putting yourself before everyone else and thinking you are better. It can come off as being rude, judgemental, obnoxious “show offs” and blowing people off. I have done all those things but didn’t think I was being cocky until I was on the other side being around someone else acting like that and it made me feel pretty worthless. It’s pretty horrible when you try to talk to someone whose responses just make you feel like you have been dismissed and you mean nothing to them.

But having confidence is being so secure in who you are that it makes you want to help others feel good about themselves too. When you are confident it doesn’t matter who is watching or expecting you to behave a certain way, you do the RIGHT thing and you value others. I also think that confident people realize they aren’t perfect and admit their mistakes, but cocky people act as if they are perfect and think that admitting they did something wrong makes them weak.

There was a time when I first became Miss Hummelstown that I legitimately was afraid to tell people because I didn’t want to sound cocky. I was paranoid everytime my mom took a picture because even though I knew that reason I wanted to be Miss Hummelstown didn’t have to do with wearing a crown I felt so judged! How terrible is that?? I know that sometimes in the past I had misjudged people for being confident and I was afraid people would do the same thing to me. Until I got comfortable in that position and confident knowing I was where God wanted me to be. I definitely didn’t feel like I was better than anyone else and I can honestly say the best part about doing it was seeing the smiles on little kids faces when I would color with them at the Christmas event or pass out Easter eggs (okay okay and riding in the mayor’s convertible was also one of my favorites…but I don’t think that makes me cocky, right?).

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that being confident is so much better on both sides than being cocky. And listen it’s okay to let people see the great things happening in your life! We should all be happy for one another instead of making it a competition or judging. Sometimes we just have to check ourselves. If you hurt someone’s feelings trying to come off as being better/prettier/smarter/more important than them or dismissing them, try to make it right. Think about how you want others to treat you and then try to do that yourself. I have literally stopped myself mid text message or conversation and thought, wow, I’m coming across like a jerk right now so I need to back off. That can be hard when we are feeling defensive or attacked but that’s where we have to have confidence and be comfortable with who we are and understand we don’t have to prove anything. Sometimes the best answer is not to tell everyone how right and awesome you are, but to tell someone else how valuable they are. It’s a learning process like everything else I have blogged about. Practice makes perfect, right?