I think having unrealistic expectations is something all girls and even boys seem to struggle with.
I love you; I just want you, nobody else; I’ll change; I’m sorry; I’m just so busy, etc…
Those are some of the most common lies told in this day and age. Words said so easily and impulsively most of the time. We have all said things like these and had them said to us for different reasons but they weren’t true. They never should have been said.
It’s sad. Those lies in an attempt to manipulate or spare someone from the truth really build up expectations.
So how do we solve the problem of unrealistic expectations? I can tell you one thing, I have learned the hard way and my best advice is to look at actions not just words when you expect certain things to happen.
I haven’t always done this great, but I try to be one to say how I feel, even when I have to be vulnerable (which I don’t like at all, I mean who does?) and I’ll try to back up my actions. It’s cost me saying how I really feel but I can honestly say when I tell someone something, I mean it…good or bad. I don’t know many other people who do that and I challenge you to not say stuff you don’t mean even if it’s hard to say. It really just sets up unrealistic expectations and makes people feel stupid when they realize the truth.
I’m trying to choose my words better. I used to casually say “I love you!” or “I love that!” so much until I started to realize I was throwing around such an important word. By doing this it gave me an unrealistic expectation of what love is. I have learned love is not a feeling when everything is going well. It is a choice to sacrifice. So if someone says they love you and they will do this for you or that for you, pay attention to see if their actions are backing that up.
Another thing to watch out for is someone’s track record. I’m definitely not one to judge someone on their past because I know I have really tried to change and learn from my past mistakes, but if there is someone who demonstrates the same disappointing behavior over and over and over again while not admitting it’s wrong, then be cautious. Maybe it’s a flirty guy who has been known to become close friends with girls and lead them on or maybe it’s a girl who has gossiped to you about everyone you know, so be cautious when entering a friendship or relationship with them. Don’t jump right in and share your heart or have unrealistic expectations of how loyal they are. Take your time. Give them a chance to earn your trust and vice versa.
Another thing to consider is when most people say “If you don’t have any expectations you never get disappointed.”
To be honest, that’s kinda dumb. First off, can anyone not have expectations for others? I mean don’t we somewhat expect common courtesy and some form of communication? If anything, having no expectations will get you even more hurt than having some realistic ones. High expectations are not bad things, you should have high ones, but you just need to be careful with who you have them with and the extent of them. Think about it before you dive right in.
So let’s say you have some realistic expectations and you are minding your own business. Suddenly you find yourself daydreaming of that cute boy and how adorable you guys would be drinking your lattes and going apple picking. That’s fun to think about but there comes a time when you have to draw the line with that stuff. When your dreaming takes over your reality and creates expectations is when it becomes an issue. We can drive ourselves crazy dreaming about something that we just can’t have.
And I know this may be a hard topic to explain but here’s another example that maybe some girls can relate too…
You get the snap. It’s late. He’s complimenting you. Then he drops the bomb….
“No, me and my girlfriend aren’t doing well and we’re gonna break up soon” or “I’m not really that serious with her” or the good ole, “You are the one I really love, it’s just that I don’t want to break her heart.”
Friends, if you hear either one of those things or anything like it TURN THE OTHER WAY AND RUN. If he says things to you that you know aren’t right while he has a girlfriend, he doesn’t care about her or you. He is thinking about himself and that’s it. And yes, girls do this stuff to guys, too and it’s not okay.
But hear me on this, if he really wants you, that guy will pursue and value you. This may sound funny but my mom and I have talked about men were naturally made to be hunters. That’s why we hear that once the challenge is over, a bunch of them move on to their next hunt! But if a guy wants something bad enough, he will be determined to do what it takes to get it. And in this case, if he’s dating someone else and messing with your emotions, he doesn’t care about you. He would pursue you and only you if that’s what he wants. Trust me, that’s a tough reality when you allow yourself to have expectations to be with him one day. So please if he gives you promises and empty words that are not backed up with actions, give it up. He doesn’t need more “time” trust me. It’s gonna hurt for a bit but I promise it will save you a lot of hurt in the long run. And next time you will know better and pay attention to the warning signs.
Even though I am honestly okay now, I learned this unrealistic expectation lesson the hard way wanting to believe things I knew deep down just were not true. I had high expectations that I shouldn’t have but I wanted it so badly at the time I justified everything that didn’t match up. I really wish I would have listened to my own advice then, but I’m hoping by sharing this some people won’t have to go through some of the stuff I have. I hope it helps. That’s all I got for tonight. Love y’all! xoxo