Here is the promised part 2 of my last blog finally! I have been putting a lot of thought into these last two blogs because these topics are something that have been an ongoing theme in my life and this stuff is so real. Like many of us can say we have struggled with finding our identity in who likes us, or who we are dating or even just who our friends are. Even the things we decide to invest our time in can turn into an idol. So now that we identified things or people who are idols in my last blog post, where do we go from there? Or what does it even look like?
Currently for me that solution is staying single in the season I am in. Some people may wonder why? While it’s tempting to seek attention and affirmation from guys, I have more of a longterm goal in mind and I don’t want to mess it up. It can be tough not to feel lonely, especially with the holidays coming up and everyone always making it such a requirement to be “booed up” during this time. And don’t get me started about all the Twitter rants on being single! But I have to admit, life isn’t as complicated for me in this season. I have no strings attached to anyone in a sense of needing to plan my future around another person yet. This is good for me right now, since I am not a very stationary person currently and I love seeing new places.
I do need it to be known that I really don’t think dating is bad thing, my mom pointed out to me how I have done a bunch of blog posts about being single! I just want to make it clear, dating someone isn’t bad but I feel strongly that we should do it with the right motives. Your partner should not be the end all be all, because that’s where my last blog post talked about making an idol out of that person. I also don’t think it’s a great idea to use another relationship to help you get over your last one. If you feel called to be in a healthy Godly relationship, then I cheer you on in that! I’m looking forward to that in my own life when the time is right but I’m totally relying on God’s timing, not my own.
God has a funny way of working things out, and I trust Him and trust that it won’t be like this forever, but I’m learning it is so important to cherish the season of singleness. And I’m not sure what everyone considers being “single”. For me I’m talking about trying to be purposeful to lay down any attempt of pursuing a dating relationship right now. I don’t want to settle for something that is not from God. So that means not being careless with how I act or texting a bunch of guys on the look out of who has potential to date next. I honestly think that if I’m keeping my focus on God, then the right person will come along side me at the right time.
But as I said before, the holidays can be a tough season for many of us who aren’t dating and it can be tempting to fill that void with the wrong stuff. Please know that you aren’t alone and there are many ways to cope with how you’re feeling! So how do we rejoice in a season of singleness?
I am truly seeing the beauty of it from a whole new perspective and I mean that whole heartedly. I think sometimes when we are single we want to make the people who care about us believe that we are happy, but in reality we aren’t really enjoying the single season, we are just tolerating because the options we want aren’t there. I personally don’t want anyone to feel sorry for the fact I’m not “with someone” for Christmas so I’m really trying to take advantage of everything God wants to teach me now and share it to try to be an encouragement to others in the same situation. And I’m no expert in this whatsoever but here are a few suggestions that help me:
1. Dig into God’s Word and meditate on scripture. Here are some wonderful Bible verses that I turn to in times of loneliness…
•1 Peter 5:7
2. Another thing that’s helpful is to not dwell on memories, places, things, or anything that makes you feel nostalgic for things that are gone. Now this doesn’t mean you can never do anything that reminds you of something from your past but I think during those times struggling with loneliness, when you are most vulnerable, be aware of what triggers you into a downward spiral. Pray about it. It’s easier to stay out of your bag than trying to get out of it once you’re in it!
3. Another helpful thing is realizing that this season is something to be celebrated, and do it as well as you can. It really isn’t about us and what we do and don’t have! Try new things and get out of your comfort zone. This is also a season to enjoy genuine friendships with people. It’s a time to invest in others and shine the light of Christ.
4. Do “single” well! Even if it’s super tempting, try not going back and fourth between “talking” to different people, but focus instead on the friendship aspect with the opposite gender. I can honestly say I’m enjoying my current friendships with the opposite gender because they have no intentions of a relationship. No pressure, no misunderstandings and no expectations other than friendship.
5. Take time to truly figure out yourself, the good and the bad. Be honest and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with people you trust. It’s very hard to know what you want in life or in a future relationship when you don’t even know yourself, something I have experienced.
It’s so important that we realize being single isn’t a negative thing! I’m trying to cherish this season because my focus is on my relationship with God and growing intentional, good friendships, which leads me to my next blog post coming soon! I will be talking about what it means to be a loyal friend, and how are we fulfilling God’s reason for creating us and how we can worship Him by being in fellowship with others! Thanks for reading y’all and Happy Holidays. Xoxo