Self-confidence

I think we can all relate to struggling at some point with trying to figure out who we really are and what we really believe. That’s part of growing up and I don’t think we will ever stop learning things about ourselves. So how do we view ourselves now? Do we like ourselves or not? Did you know that self-confidence really just means that we can trust in our God-given gifts without thinking we are rock stars?

And the reason for this blog post isn’t just to say…

“You need self-confidence to be happy so love yourself more, pamper yourself with bubble baths and tell someone you love them, blah blah, blah…”

All that stuff is great, who doesn’t love a relaxing bubble bath or telling someone your true feelings? But I hate to break it to ya…you can’t stay in the bathtub forever and sometimes the feelings you share aren’t mutual. So now what do we do to really take care of ourselves, to maintain our self-confidence, when reality hits hard?

Let’s start with this…

Know the difference between CONFIDENCE, PRIDE/COCKINESS and INSECURITY.

When you have self-confidence, you are so sure of who you are and who you are meant to be that you can humbly put others’ needs and success before your own. So in other words, it’s knowing your worth so well that you want others to find theirs, too!

Cockiness is putting your own needs and success before others…and usually in an obnoxious way! Believe it or not, cockiness can actually be a sign of not having much self-confidence. If someone is hurt or very insecure, many times they try to cover that hurt up with being so into themselves and telling everyone how much better they are then everyone else. Or maybe someone is acting cocky because they have been told for a long time how amazing they are at doing something and it just goes to their head (hey, and maybe we can relate to that at some point in our lives?).

When you are insecure, you just can’t be recognized for anything you do well. You get uncomfortable when people complement you. You may also be the person who apologizes for breathing. If that’s you, most likely you aren’t just shy, you have been hurt and this is your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt again. It’s time for you to break out of that and enjoy being you.

Here’s some things to consider and figure out if you are self-confident, cocky or insecure:

1. Are you able to recognize your strengths and gifts, and with that are you also able to share your weaknesses in order to receive help?
If you answered yes to these questions, then YAY. That’s good to be aware of your strengths and work on your weaknesses buuuuut if you answered no, let’s talk. Listen, it’s hard to live in this current society and have a high opinion of yourself. It’s weird how we will post selfies and then tell everyone how ugly we are. I know that I have felt uncomfortable when someone has pointed out something I’m good at (and depending on who and where, felt REALLY uncomfortable when they pointed out something I’m not so good at haha).

Sometimes when I’m really struggling with feeling insecure and worthless, I look in the mirror (lock your door if you want cause this is kinda awkward the first couple times and it would be even more awkward if your like 10 year old brother walked in) straight in my eyes and say, “You’re special and talented and God created you for a reason.” I usually say it 13 times cause that’s my favorite number but do it however many times you need to say it until you believe it.

Secondly, being able to realize your weaknesses and get help isn’t a bad thing at all. I think our generation thinks it’s so weak asking for help and so many of us have trust issues that we would never admit we are struggling. Nobody wants a lecture but sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

Hear me on this, if you’re struggling with something, please tell someone close to you. If my friends or family are hurt, I want to know, I want to help. I want to know if you think about harming yourself, I want to know if you feel like you need to go back to that guy who only snaps you at midnight for what he can get from you that night. I want to know if you feel confused, worthless or upset and I’m sure I’m not the only person who cares. You would be BLOWN AWAY about how many friends and family care about you and want to help you if you give them the chance to.

2. Do you get easily offended when someone corrects you or points out a weakness?
If you answered no, then good job! But if you answered yes, why does being corrected bother you? When we get offended, we are allowing ourselves to let anger and sadness take over our thoughts and that will kill our self-confidence. It’s totally okay to be disappointed when a negative comment is made, but think about the source and if it could be true or not instead of “I can’t believe she said that!” and telling the first 14 people you see how rude she is. Sometimes we don’t even realize how other people see us! In any case, don’t let someone’s comments or opinion affect your emotions. People can only build you up or tear your down if you let them and we should never rely on opinions (good or bad) for our self-confidence.

3. Do you get angry or jealous if someone gets a compliment or is recognized in a positive way?
If you answered no, then dude, you’re good once again! Thanks for reading my blog even though it seems like you don’t need it lol! But if you answered yes, this is a serious character flaw. I do think just about everyone goes through feeling like this at some point. Deep down we all want others to see the good things in us so when we are ignored while someone else gets the attention, we can be crazy jealous and react in a bad way. If this happens to you on a regular basis, talk to someone about how you feel so you can figure out what triggers you when this happens and fix it. Some of you may say, “I can’t be happy for him, he did that one thing that one time and he doesn’t deserve to be complimented… blah blah blah.” Whatever someone has done to you that hurt, you need to forgive and move on for your own sake. If you are truly self-confident in who you have been created to be, you won’t be threatened by other people having success, no matter who they are.

4. Do you find yourself posting things for the likes, retweets and comments rather than the actual content or just for your own enjoyment?
If you answered no, you’re probably lying soooo but this one is tough. I think because it is “social” media we all post for the attention or why else would we post things in the first place? But getting frustrated when your selfie hasn’t reached 100 likes in 15 minutes may be an issue. I would suggest a social media fast until you get your head on straight and not be obsessed with how well your posts do. It’s really important not to get your confidence from social media because that’s so up and down! It’s no better thinking that the girl with 500 likes on a pic is better than a girl who got 70 likes on hers…but we are all guilty of this kind of thinking and then we wonder why we are so cocky or insecure. Trust me, I can assure you that when you stop refreshing your phone every minute to see whether “Johnny” liked that selfie you just posted, you will thank yourself.

5. Okay thanks for sticking with me, here’s the last question…do you believe God makes mistakes?
If you answered yes, I would love to sit down and chat to see why you think that and hear you out. But if you answered no, then why aren’t you loving yourself and others and seeing all of us as God’s creation? If we could all have confidence that we are created in God’s image and if we could love ourselves and others the way God does, this world would be so different. I wish I could see people through God’s eyes because His love is completely unconditional!

I do hope you take some time to really evaluate how you feel about yourself and I hope this was helpful. I know even as I wrote it, I started realizing some things that I could change. When life hits hard and things don’t go as planned, we need to remember we still have a purpose. And if you didn’t get anything out of what I wrote up to this point, please just get this: You are so valued and I hope you start to look at your life as important while you also see the value in other people, too. Believe in yourself, realize your gifts and admit your weaknesses. Okay that’s all for now. Love y’all! xoxo

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Comfort Zone

If you know me then you know I can be an adventurous person who likes doing different things (most of the time), but I HATE the unknown. I have struggled with new things so much that sometimes it gave me major anxiety and I felt physically sick over it. I definitely preferred being in my comfort zone of knowing what to expect and when. The unknown still can scare the heck out of me but recently I have tried to do a better job of living in the moment and trying not to have anxiety about the future (or the past). Being unsure and uncomfortable isn’t enjoyable at all but I get that it’s a normal part of life.

Lately, when I find myself starting to worry I remind myself that I can just do the best I know how to as situations come up. Let’s face it, some stuff we have to experience in life just won’t feel good. It’s hard and if I try to ignore the pain or rush through the process to make myself “comfortable” what good is that in the long run? I want to know at the end of the day I gave it my best to become stronger and smarter instead of just slapping a band-aid on something to make myself temporarily feel better. Some days I don’t do such a great job with this but I realize being comfortable isn’t always what’s best for us.

I have been put to the test recently. About a month ago, I was offered an opportunity to apply for a missions trip to Saint Lucia. My first reaction was “OMG YES!”

But….

I started to worry. And I literally talked myself out of it.

I won’t know anyone. I’ll be gone two weeks. How will I raise the money? I’ll be away over my birthday. I can’t do something this big by myself.

All these thoughts flooded my mind and I decided not to do it. But the offer was still open a few days ago. I stopped in my tracks and reconsidered when my mom asked the question, “Does the thought of it give you butterflies and stir your heart every time you think about it? If it does, and then you talk yourself out of it then you know the answer!”

And I realized it did give me butterflies and stir my heart every time I thought about it but I was afraid to leave my comfort zone. I knew God was calling me to do it. I didn’t want to ignore doing what was meant for me to do because of being afraid or feeling uncomfortable.

So I’m gonna go for it!

Honestly, this was all happening over the last few months while I still was struggling with regret…dwelling on the past and feeling like I never do anything right or always wishing to change the past. I actually used to lay awake in bed late at night and work myself into a panic attack over past mistakes – SOMETHING NO ONE CAN CHANGE!!!! Although I still have some rough times when it is tough to not think about memories with people I miss I’ve tried to learn from mistakes and know that things will be good again one day. And this time I’m willing to give up being comfortable in exchange for being fearless. I believe that God will close a door for our own good and open up a new one that will lead us places we never could have dreamed of if we trust Him and don’t let fear stop us.

So I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone this summer…take a road trip someplace new, ask that girl out on a date, make a new friend, if you love someone then tell him or her before it’s too late, write/paint/sing something even if you never tried before; just take a deep breath and do something that scares you! It may not always end up the way you expect it to, but you can know that at least you had the courage to try.

No more regrets.

Comfortable is forgettable. It’s just okay. Thrilling and memorable are worth the risk of leaving your comfort zone. So what are you waiting for? GO!